How far do you push?

I’ll be honest with this story. I sent off some documents that needed to be received before Friday morning and when I checked the tracking for the 2nd time I saw that it was returned to Birmingham. I paid sixty-something pounds for 3 day delivery (business days) and it’s now on to day 4 (+ 1 weekend).

So I asked God late night, since the parcel telephone service people clocked out 4 hours prior, how far do I push?
How far do I push myself out of boxes to do a bunch of things differently to enrich me as a person? How far do you want me to go? I thought I was going far with this one. How far will you push me when all I feel are slap bang walls? How far will you push me to go a different way or do you even want me to go that way? Cuz I thought this was this year’s plan. I thought I finally accepted it, 5 months late but I accepted it.

So, how far? I believe in God but night’s like tonight I sit asking straight forward questions with tears streaming. How far will you push me? Cuz being a Christian daily, is a struggle. Managing life with you isn’t picture perfect. I hate seeing blockades, I hate not knowing and I hate feeling stuck here.

I’m very honest with my conversations and prayers with God. I don’t make rash decisions with Him, I do try and wait. But when I’m crying I imagine He’d come swooping in to tell me wagwarn. Some kind of Prince Charming fairytale. He didn’t. He doesn’t fail. He just probably needs me to ask and give it to Him.

That trust and faith thing.



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