19 months ago I wrote about this.
A month ago I had any epiphany while doing the dishes. I’m sure I’m right for me and for others and I still feel the same way in November as I did in October when this was written.
In relationships you give the other power, power to assist and affect you in both positive and hopefully less often negative ways. I don’t like the power that’s given, the power to make you feel incredible and the power to make you feel forgotten. The imbalance or the deficit affects you. I haven’t done relationships because I don’t want to give someone the power to hurt or consume me. Women always say, “when I love, I love hard”. Genuinely that can be a true statement. When I bother to give my time, you better believe I am invested and so my love comes like a ton of gold bricks. Shit, I won’t give time away freely and have it wasted which then affects my mood and most likely the job I’m walking into next. You’re playing with money then hunny.
NB: Both stories ARE kosher 😇.
I think I first saw it when this one guy would always be on my line with his I miss you messages, you’re beautiful, let’s hang out, etc. It felt good to be missed, I believed that I was somehow important in his life that my presence was missed. Almost as if we equally mattered and made a difference on each other- haha, I learnt later! So when these messages came along, we kicked it. Shortly thereafter, emptiness for a time and that had me a little thrown. Luckily I didn’t love this man but I did feel weird not always messaging him since he won the fight to see me and that was it, until he “missed” me again. There’s keywords that trigger the stupid girly hormones, “miss”, “need” & “love” are some.
Then there was this guy who truly showed me at 22 that power was given to him and he could ruin my day. We kind of mutually could ruin or make each others day just by taking long to reply, not making time for each other or being quick and not giving time for the other to explain themselves. We affected each other, I realised he could piss me off easily then I learnt to give him less importance and that someone affecting me so much wasn’t healthy (I was in uni and that was my priority). This worked out for a while then we just kind of stopped letting the other know how much they meant to us, communication slowed down as defenses were both back up… Será. Sigh. Great man 👌, nice butt 😍, chocolate love☕.
Anyhow, there we have it: Why some girls (and maybe even guys) won’t and don’t want to commit. We are giving power and an access card to us (as an individual). Both, you don’t want to put into just anyone’s hands!
Saying that I’m way more accepting to give power and work it out. Took a minute but at 23, BRING IT BABY! Xx