I forgive you

I was getting ready this morning from 5 am for another flight and reflected on the week when I realised I still wasn’t comfortable with old friends because I hadn’t forgiven them. I didn’t write a long list, I just called them and the situation as I remembered.

Then I saw that within myself I need to forgive me. I’ll share some forgiveness points and why I needed to verbalise that.

I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for letting pride and ego turn beauty into dirt. For doing things just because it looks good and glorifies the imagined status.

I forgive myself for relying on friends when I had to be a friend first. I’m sorry that I placed their friendship higher than a loving friendship between my spirit, soul, mind and body. 

I forgive myself for harbouring feelings of unworthiness within relationships because I hid from them why I felt they were too good. I’m sorry for hindering you because I didn’t see me as whole.

I forgive myself for hurting myself. For putting myself at the stake to burn every time I failed or called it quits. Not everything should succeed and there’s more value in a loss than a win.

I forgive myself for not believing in me and starting the journey of self-love earlier. I should’ve seen something worth loving before a guy said, “Ki you’re beautiful and don’t know it”.

I forgive myself for being naive, gullible and so hopeful.  There’s only so much I can do to help. I can bring a horse to water but I can’t force it to drink.

I forgive myself for wasting. I wasted money by not paying attention and being reckless. To this day some flight costs still burn. I forgive your sometimes careless money management.

I forgive myself of greed and gluttony. Food is my friend and I shouldn’t turn to it for comfort. Money is useful but I want never to have that as my goal in life.

I forgive myself for being used and using heavily, even when it wasn’t mutually beneficial. A stolen kiss is still a stolen kiss; A touch of powder is still potent.

I forgive myself for every disappointment. I did, I gave, I left nothing back. I’m proud.

I forgive myself for stepping out of season (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8). Leaving friends when I shouldnt; planting during a harvest; not grieving fully, moving in haste instead of careful consideration. I’m sorry for not listening to God and knowing when to move.

I forgive myself for going overboard this week with teaching and drills. Fun is who I am and need to always bring.

I forgive myself for shouting at the innocent. The kids literally have 6-16 years of life on Earth and only from age 5 were they even conscience of life, give them a minute to figure out childhood Ki!

That’s just a few areas I covered. Some in greater detail, as many stories and situations came to mind. Forgive daily and clear your mind! God is the greatest example of forgiveness and he makes it quite clear that we should empty out our hearts and not harbour anger for anyone.

As I prepared to publish this, a yoga session that I recently did has helped me with clearing my mind and going through anxious situations recently, yoga with Adriene.

Are you a forgiving person? Do you approach others and yourself with compassion? Do you hold silly grudges? It’s silly to me if no life was lost. You do know that hate and unforgiveness is slow poison and keeps you on a leash, right?

Originally written in Feb 2017


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