My soul screamed.
I wasn’t prepared for such an eventuality.
You carried us, gave birth to us, nurtured us. You prayed over us from the crown of our head to the soles of our feet.
My dad is your best friend, you are his core. You are his life.
You are our love. You are our champion. You are our voice of reason.
So much of me and my strength is from you. My love for helping those with less in whatever capacity is from you. My learning to be a woman is from you, you are my example.
I can’t understand condolences nor do I want to see “RIP”. I hear the prayers and the hugs in your comforting voices as friends. Every physical hug brings me joy that you care for us. I value your words and hope you can still be there to hug me 6 weeks, 6 months or 6 years from now.
It hurts. My bodies reaction is a mess. My stomach is full but constantly emptying from pain. I watch my breathing and keep in check.
Time is figurative. She passed yesterday, March 19th, and I struggle to get over that I won’t hear her call me or have her chest to lay on. That’s my mom gone. My introduction to the world was from my parents love.
Almost 25 years of marriage but 28 together. God is great, He made a beautiful thing and I will see Him work this and comfort my dad.
I wasn’t ready to grow up and step up but now I have to. I can’t fill mom’s shoes but I can stand and pray in the gap. Her faith and joy for life and family made her rich. She walked in God’s confidence. This woman was my mother, I am blessed to have had her.
P.S. – These were written soon after my mom passed, I share them to help someone who may need to know that how they feel is normal. Writing helped me, writing might help you too. Through this series that will be published when I am comfortable, things will be omitted to protect my family and our privacy but what I can share of how I am going through this whether healthy or not, I will share.